The seven disconnecting habits are:
Criticising, complaining, nagging, blaming, threatening, punishing, bribing.
Even the best of parents will have used these disconnecting habits at some time on their children. A great number of bosses use these disconnecting habits on their staff. It’s the way people bully each other. These are the habits we use to control someone (although they only serve to make the other person feel disconnected and disempowered). The interesting thing about these habits is that the person using them must feel disconnected and disempowered to be using them in the first place.
Bullies feel disconnected and disempowered.
Disconnecting habits are like a double edged sword. These habits cut the person they are used on and cut the user. What we can see emerging from this is the want for control we discussed before. The more you want control the more you feel you lack it. Disconnecting habits usually come from a place of anger or frustration. If these habits are used on a child and they will feel unloved, unworthy and not liked. Tell a child they are stupid often enough and the child will start to believe it. And what we believe is what we see. A child might have the same brain as Albert Einstein but they no longer use it. We tend to take the disconnecting habits personally without realising that it isn’t personal. It’s the other person who has the problem because they want to control us.
You can manage resources but you lead people.
We can see these connecting and disconnecting habits at work in many areas. They are also evident in our parenting style at home, for example, or in a child’s interaction with others at school – or in how we communicate with others in sporting teams or in the workforce. But let’s use the example of this in the workforce. For want of a better description, we will call the different styles of managers lead managers, and boss managers. You see, you can manage resources b
